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Capital Formation and Capital Placement
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Six Steps for Self-Transformation
| Posted on 16 May, 2013 at 13:38 |
Six Steps for Self-Transformation Steven Fogel Do you feel trapped in your job? Most
of us have experienced work situations in which we have felt trapped in
an unsatisfying job that feels to us like a prison. What we don't
realize is that in these situations either we hold the key and don't use
it, or we willingly hand the key over to others – our bosses, our
clients, or our colleagues, for example -- and let them be our jailers.
In these situations, we lose all of our power either to the people whom
we've made our jailers or because we don't acknowledge that we are our
own jailers. There are always three possibilities to resolve work situations like
these – in fact, any situation in which you feel trapped. You can: 1. accept it fully; 2. change it; or 3. remove yourself from it. In today's economy, it isn't always feasible to remove yourself from
the situation by changing jobs. This leaves the choices of fully
accepting your situation as it is or changing it so that you won't feel
trapped anymore. In my opinion, both of these options can only be
accomplished through self-transformation. Self-transformation is
self-motivated change from within that increases your ability to
accomplish your goals. It comes from shifting your perception,
realizing that you are responsible for putting yourself in the situation
in which you feel trapped and for voluntarily not using the key or for
giving it to others. Self-transformation empowers you to use the key
to free yourself! In other words, you'll find that by transforming
yourself, you've also transformed your experience of your job! Self-transformation involves six steps. Step 1: Decide that you want to transform yourself and commit to the process. Motivation
is a key to self-transformation. We tend to resist change because
change is scary. It means giving up familiar ways and entering unknown
territory. Even if the old ways are painful and produce
less-than-stellar results, we stick with them because we know we can
exist with that pain and the frustration. It is familiar pain, and
consciously or unconsciously we fear that unfamiliar pain will be
worse. Generally, we make the decision to transform ourselves only when
something in our lives is going so badly that we don't want to put up
with it anymore. I mentioned that self-transformation requires a
shift in perception. Instead of blaming external circumstances for
your dissatisfaction, you need to look within. Acknowledge that
something you're doing is contributing to the experiences you don't
like and that you want to change to produce better results. This means
recognizing that if you want your present to be different from your
past, you have to be different from how you've been up to now.
Self-transformation is a challenging process and it can be accomplished! Step
2: Look at your past and identify the dysfunctional patterns that have
been determining your actions and experiences up to now. This requires learning how your mind works. Essentially
the mind hasn't changed much since the early days of hunting and
gathering; it still operates just like our ancestors' minds did millions
of years ago: It interprets everything that happens and, based on those
interpretations, it invents tactics intended to help you survive. It
doesn't matter whether you're facing an important meeting or a woolly
mammoth from prehistoric times, your mind is always looking for ways to
survive what it perceives as a threat to survival. A “threat to
survival” may just be another's person's comment that the mind
interprets as an insult. The mind bases its survival strategies on what
it believes worked in past situations. It does this automatically,
without conscious awareness. As a shorthand, I refer to the automatic
workings of the mind as our machinery and to the mental "software" that
determines our responses as our programming. To transform
yourself, you must become aware of your individual programming, the
voice in your head that wants to tell you how to act and react to
everything you encounter. The process of self-transformation requires
you to monitor that voice constantly -- to realize that the voice isn't
you; it's just your machinery and advisor; it's not your boss.
Self-transformation requires learning to question its perceptions and
interpretations. When your mind is acting automatically—as it does most
of the time—it can give you good or bad advice. Self-transformation
requires letting go of patters of acting and thinking that come from
your past. This means looking at your past to see how it has influenced
the way you have acted up to now. For example, Lyle is a
businessman who generally has issues with his bosses. Reflecting on his
past, he realized there was a link between fighting with his bosses and
fighting with his father. Growing up, Lyle saw his father as
authoritarian, arbitrary, and critical. He felt his father never
acknowledged, heard, or saw him. He felt that the only way he could get
what he wanted was through confrontation. Lyle eventually came to recognize that fighting with his boss was
just old programming running on automatic pilot hurting his career and
making him feel trapped in his job. He was reacting to his bosses as if
they were his father. Jennifer is a businesswoman who never had friends at work. Reflecting
on her past she saw that her "shyness" began as a child when her father
kept being transferred from location to location. She found making
friends difficult. Looking back, Jennifer realized that because she was
acting on automatic pilot and letting her programming run her behavior
with her colleagues at work, she was duplicating her childhood pattern
of not making friends. Step 3: Identify your old Organizing Principles. All
of us have conscious and unconscious beliefs that we hold as facts
instead of realizing that they are only perceptions based on feelings.
These beliefs, which come from your past experiences, have been
dictating how you act. I call these mistaken beliefs that we hold as
facts our Organizing Principles. These were Lyle's Organizing Principles: •Men in authority positions are arbitrary and like to exercise power for its own sake. They don't deserve my respect. •I have to fight to be seen and heard. •If I compromise, I'm weak (and I won't survive). Jennifer's Organizing Principles: •People won't like me because I'm shy and they already have friends. •It's not worth the effort of trying to make friends because I'll just lose them anyway and it's painful. Step 4: Create new Guiding Principles. Next,
you must replace your old dysfunctional principles with new positive
principles that will bring you from the past, into the present, which
will open you up to the possibility of getting what you want -- new and
more fulfilling experiences at work! I call these new principles Guiding
Principles. Lyle's new Guiding Principles might be •Men in authority positions may be right and may deserve respect. •I can be heard and seen with positive self-expression and without confrontation. •It's a sign of strength and maturity when I choose to reach a compromise. Jennifer's new Guiding Principles might be •People want friends; I'm valuable so they will like me. •New friends enrich my life. •It's more painful to be lonely than to risk rejection or loss. Step
5: Interrupt your mental machinery by observing your old Organizing
Principles and instead of acting automatically on old Organizing
Principles, consciously substitute your new Guiding Principles. Feeling
defensive, upset, angry, anxious, or frustrated is a clue that the
voice in your head is reacting to situation based on your old Organizing
Principles. When any of these feelings come up, know that you have a
choice to stop reacting automatically and instead choose to use new
Guiding Principles. For example Lyle's can remind himself to
actually listen to what his boss is saying instead of reacting as if he
needs to fight and Jennifer can ask colleagues to join her for lunch
even if she feels nervous and uncomfortable. She can consciously remind
herself that having the relationships she wants are worth taking a
risk. Step 6: Live fearlessly. Self-transformation
comes from being courageous. You have to let go of past conditioning
and proceed into unknown territory, facing fears and not giving in to
them. Living fearlessly doesn't mean you won't have fears; it means
acknowledging your fears and moving ahead anyway! Instead of letting
your fears keep you in the past, you'll move into the present, where
anything is possible. This is the essence of self-transformation. Steven J. Fogel is a principal and cofounder of Westwood Financial Corp. and the author of My Mind Is Not Always My Friend: A Guide for How to Not Get in Your Own Way (Peppertree Press, 2010) and The Yes-I-Can Guide to Mastering Real Estate (Times Books-Random House). |
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